My name is shilo rodriguez
I’m sort of one of the weirdoes
You know, the ones who get bullied at normal schools
I might be in love with one of my best friends
And it’s slowly tearing me apart
But hey,
I’ve got those weirdo friends of mine
The ones who make me laugh hard enough to cry
The ones I’ve known for almost FIVE fucking years
Jesus Christ sometimes I forget
That I really, really do belong with them
What if my anxiety suddenly disappeared?
What if I no longer got nervous in front of a crowd?
What if cautious thoughts never crossed my mind when walking down the hallways?
What if I was never anxious about people whispering behind my back
or people laughing at my outfit?
What if I didn’t care about how I looked?
Or how I dressed
Or how I did my hair every morning
Would I be popular and gorgeous and ignorant?
Would I have one of those boyfriends that hung on my every word?
Or would I be a dead-man walking with no brain to feel?
Would I be happy or even more trapped in this everlasting anxiety?
What if my ceiling no longer e
no one listens
no one sees
i am trapped in a sea of fake smiles
and blotchy cheeks hidden by a daily layer of makeup
my thighs have bled
and my heart has ached
i have no where to hide
i am already gone
I’ve got sleep in my eyes
and monsters in my bones
I’ve got tears on my cheeks
and burns on my heart
I’ve got love in my mind
and demons on my fingers
I’ve got ghosts on my heels
and death on my toes
I want to ride a ferris wheel with you
No, not the ones where you’re boxed in
Enclosed in rusting metal
I want to ride a ferris wheel with you
The ones where your feet dangle over the edge
And a thin bar holds you in place
Where you can feel the wind on your face
I want our feet to accidentally touch as we kick
I want to laugh and watch the bursts of fireworks in the clear sky
I want to ride a ferris wheel with you
And I want it to be fantastic
i wanna get drunk and tell you everything i’ve been afraid to say for the past four years
i wanna be on our own personal high together
i wanna forget all of my stupid mistakes and rude comments
i wanna take back all the times i was a bitch to you
i wanna know if everything you say about me is the truth
because darling, it’d be amazing if it was
She was different
She wasn’t normal
She wasn’t in trend
She cared for her friends
She was good to her mother
She wasn’t the same
She had her own style
She had her own flair
She didn’t wear eyeliner
She really didn’t care
She was kind and sweet
She never ever frowned
But now she is normal
Now she’s in trend
Now she thinks about the world’s opinion of her
Now she is rude
Now she argues with her mother
Now she is crude